Friday, 11 January 2013

Grumpy Mommy's "The Sixteen Days of Christmas Vacay"

Everybody's sick. All five of us. Baby hasn't slept - like, at all - in days. Middle Child threw an epic temper tantrum at bedtime. Eldest Child is waking up every thirty minutes or so with a horrid cough and coming into our bedroom. Husband is snoring loud enough to bring the house down and appears incapable of waking up to help with the children or even rolling onto his side to quiet the snore. I just stepped on a plastic "egg" toy with jagged edges - can't even describe how much it hurts - because every surface of the entire bloody house is covered in toys because everybody has been home for two weeks and nobody is capable of picking up after themselves. It's four o'clock in the morning and I have yet to close my eyes and I am NOT feeling quite so warm and fuzzy about our holiday as I was earlier (see The Sixteen Days of Christmas Vacay).

Grumpy Mommy's version of "The Sixteen Days of Christmas Vacay"

(To the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

On the first day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the second day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the third day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the fourth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the fifth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the sixth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the seventh day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the eighth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the ninth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
9 playdates with whiny, bratty friends
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the tenth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
10 times a day: "Too much Skylanders! Turn off that Wii!"
9 playdates with whiny, bratty friends
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the eleventh day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
11 expensive toys ignored
10 times a day: "Too much Skylanders! Turn off that Wii!"
9 playdates with whiny, bratty friends
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the twelfth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
12 hours freezing in the cold for "one more time" sledding down the hill
11 expensive toys ignored
10 times a day: "Too much Skylanders! Turn off that Wii!"
9 playdates with whiny, bratty friends
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the thirteenth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
13 arguments over which movie to watch
12 hours freezing in the cold for "one more time" sledding down the hill
11 expensive toys ignored
10 times a day: "Too much Skylanders! Turn off that Wii!"
9 playdates with whiny, bratty friends
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the fourteenth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
14 toys all over the floor
13 arguments over which movie to watch
12 hours freezing in the cold for "one more time" sledding down the hill
11 expensive toys ignored
10 times a day: "Too much Skylanders! Turn off that Wii!"
9 playdates with whiny, bratty friends
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the fifteenth day of Christmas my angels gave to me
15 days of kids at each other's throats
14 toys all over the floor
13 arguments over which movie to watch
12 hours freezing in the cold for "one more time" sledding down the hill
11 expensive toys ignored
10 times a day: "Too much Skylanders! Turn off that Wii!"
9 playdates with whiny, bratty friends
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

On the sixteenth day of Christmas my angels gave to me:
16 blown bedtimes
15 days of kids at each other's throats
14 toys all over the floor
13 arguments over which movie to watch
12 hours freezing in the cold for "one more time" sledding down the hill
11 expensive toys ignored
10 times a day: "Too much Skylanders! Turn off that Wii!"
9 playdates with whiny, bratty friends
8 runny nostrils and 2 cases of strep throat
7 inches added to our waistlines
6 arguments with the in-laws
5 crying cousins
4 sugar-induced meltdowns
3 lost instruction manuals
2 nights of gift-wrapping til 3:00am and
1 late-afternoon Christmas Eve wish list change

And zero minutes of alone time with my man.

Happy bloody holidays.


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